It has now been a month since I have relocated to Paradise, Texas. For the first time in four weeks I have been able to spend more than three days in a row with my beautiful wife and two amazing kiddos! I thought it would be tough but tolerable to be here without them waiting for school to end and for the house to sell. It’s been tougher than I could have imagined. The good news is we are moving our essentials up this weekend!
Imagine 81 acres in the country with a stocked fishing pond, a metal barn that has been converted into a house and wide open space to roam. There is also a creek that cuts through the rock & hills lined with huge trees! Every bit of the area was created to photograph. Beautiful wild Texas flowers, tall grass perfect for horses, cattle and a spectacular sunset every night! God knows what we desire and in time He speaks.
This was a very tough transition for us relationally – we are starting over 100% in every way. For me things went quiet almost over night. Timing is never what we expect but each step has been one of faith – and believe me mountains have moved. For Myra she is leaving so many great friends and memories. But somehow it seems like God is underlining that He created us to do life together. He has a purpose for us that we do not yet fully see or even understand and that He desires our full attention.
Funny – how just two years ago I sat in my car in a shopping mall parking lot reading over with the faith of a mustard seed we could move mountains. I literally began to pray for mountains to move, for anything to move – for one particular brick on a wall to just move an inch! I trust God, I have faith that He loves us and would do anything for us – He truly does want to give us our heart’s desire – it’s just not the way we ask or expect sometimes. Honestly, I began to pray that He would give us Colby back – that losing him had caused so much pain – left wounds that we could not repair. Just as in 2 Kings – I expected for God to raise him and give him back to us. I truly believe God could do that and I wanted to see it happen. That we did not deserve to lose our son and that Colby did not deserve to go at the age of three – especially to Cancer.
For the next two years – I prayed, pushed, ran out of patience and let myself burn out. I was insistent on my timing for everything; our finances, my marriage, for leaders to lead & love, for negative or blinded people to find Jesus again – to forgive. I had faith that a mountain would move but I was more focused on my wants rather than His will. Even though I was not asking for anything out of the norm – I was unknowingly expecting it to happen now. I was fighting God. Again. I kept it up until I exhausted everything in me.
When we tell God that we are in control we are taking the first steps to totally messing up. I promise. We can move mountains without God – it’s called dynamite – it ugly and destructive. It’s impatience, selfishness and hurtful. Blasting your way through a mountain to get your way is not His plan.
When questioning His plan and thinking about heading out with our own He allowed us to go through some of the toughest yet most clarifying trials in our life. He hammered us with trials and storms and each brought a clear choice. Each one with very clear consequences. It was then I heard clearly “it’s your will or Mine”. In his grace, He allowed us to see that he was in control, that we have no clue what’s best for us. He knows exactly who we are and how He wants to use us. We had to choose. Especially since we claim to believe that Jesus died for us – and that we are to spread His story to the world, but we could not be in His will without choosing Him every-time – not just when we feel like it. Every time.
Mountains have moved. Our hearts have moved. Our vision, passion and love have moved. Stone by stone I have seen the mountain move. I am grateful to have chosen Him every step of the way.
God thank you for who you are – we truly do get to experience Paradise with you, here on this earth if we simply seek and trust you. Thank you for calling us to a place where relationships are first – with You & with others. Thank you that we are on our way to being totally who you created us to be. Thank you for using us.